actually i should b in bed.. but the more i think of it, the more angry i am..

apologising doesnt mean its my fault.. its jus tat i have grown up and should take responsibility of my actions/words.. if i said things tat hurt others i will apologise but that doesnt mean tat wat i said don make sense.. think abit it..

and wat make you think by complaining to my spouse helps? i apologise base on my own maturity and not cos he said so.. i am an adult and a wife to someone.. i will act my age..

dont you think tat by complainin to other ppl's spouse is RUDE? hahaha... same action by elder sis when she argued with mum and call dad to complain.. i tell u wrong move.. it only show u can be a bitch.. i will nv call someone else's spouse to complain abt their wife/husband..

lesson learnt.. don b stupid and thinks tat ppl will change.. this have always been my believe.. " ppl do change over time" like if my fren 10yrs ago did this and this.. i will tend to believe 1st tat after 10yrs he/she will be a new person.. able to think and more mature.. but many a time, i was proven wrong.. i am too gullible.. i actually think so myself.. hahahaha.. well, i mus say after today i have learnt another lesson.. u can nv trust someone 100% .. not even 3% i can tell u..

after so many yrs of being a "loner", meaning no one to turn to when any part of me failed.. i still feel tat being a loner is the best.. at least i wont "don listen to myself" or " reject myself" i am sick of being rejected.. i mean how do you open up to someone? besides being with her whenever she needs you? but tat doesnt mean tat person whom you took pain in nuturing will wan to listen to you.. i guess this is the pain every mum suffered.. now i can understand.. reali damn painful..

i don think i can slp well tonite.. afterall.. i have learnt a harsh lesson from my beloved family member which keep coming back into my tiny brain.. telling me to shut up and keep all my feelings to myself and not tok abt it anymore.. where in sch, teachers always tell me to open up.. hmmm so much diff.. don know wats right..

i didnt meant to whine abt wat happen today.. but thinking abt it.. i feel so pai seh.. but an wei.. someone whom i last seen like.. 10yrs ago.. somehow appeared in front of me.. suddenly and drop me 2 packs of tissue when he saw b sobbing uncontrollably on the bench.. i am so touched.. he is someone i wont dare approach 10yrs ago cos he is loud and everything he knows, everyone will know.. hahahaha i don know if he changed.. lets see if someone asked abt it tml and i will know... hahahahaha but he is so sweet la.. Thanks Sam! thanks for showing ur face and tat 2 packs of tissue.. reali touch and warm my heart!

sometimes.. when u tink tat frens are nothing.. but when they jus show up when u needed them.. guess thats wat frens and relationships are for.. it reali send u a little warmth down there.. but i still feel bad for him to see me in tat state.. haiz..

after today, i should wake up le ba.. stop being soft hearted!!!! aiyo i hate myself.. i tend to have short term memory.. i always say i am angry with someone and lets not tok to him.. but within 5mins i am toking to him.. aiyo! haiz..

hmm 10 more months!! yeah! and i will leave everything and everyone.. including bad memories and moving to my next phrase of life... yes! married life.. i can feel, at least i will have all the say in my family and my house.. yeah! bingo! hahahaha house coming.. no more going out and getting into arguements! yeah.. concentrating on designing our house and hoping to make it as cosy and lovely as possible.. den have our little wedding dinner and wah laaa! house warming time! hahahaha.. i will be so happy den.. no need honeymoon also can.. reali.. i don mind le..

letting go, i will learn to let go more.. compared to last time, i have reali loosen up and let go of alot of things.. although i cant say all... cos some of it reali hurts me to the core.. i reali bleed a long long time from those attack and took yrs to recover and move on.. i am glad to say.. yes! i have graduated from my yrs of suffering and "bei hei guo" i am going to be free and flying.. i am gona work on alot of things.. from stocks to biz to cooking and baking and cleaning of house and starting hand making my carpet.. my lovely little carpet.. hehe.. after moving away, i will be smiling every day i can assure u.. reali.. everyday i come back home.. i am nv smiling or even if i did smile, its will dar dar beside me.. otherwise.. it will be like now.. zzzz =(

picking up, myself.. my mood.. my attitude.. my outlook in life... i have always wanted to do something meaningful.. something tat is out of scope.. something tat no one have even wanted to waste time doing.. i always wan to inprove my temper and intelligence.. still feel i am too simple for those " crocs wanna be" (meaning they are not smart, jus tink themselves v smart) BTH!

working hard, biz and my appearance... how to wear clothes and how to tie my hair to make me look tai tai! hehe... to be a successful biz woman.. although this wish have been ongoing.. haha.. to be a good wife and daughter-in-law.. who says mil and dil can nv be in harmony.. i wan to break tat myth.. and i wan to learn to cook everything.. from daily meals to small snacks for guests to future kids and hubby's lunch boxes.. hmm and tonic soup.. hmm wat else..

meaning in life, be more open minded.. and look out for my updates in life.. YEAH!

wah.. so many things to do.. seems like i wont die so soon la.. so busy.. wat a wonderful life i have got! and most imptl! I have a super lovely and accomodating HUBBY!! Applause pls! hahaha.. jus wanna say.. thanks dar dar for being there thru the ups and downs in my life.. reali make my day.. good listener, good scolder.. good comparer.. good everything.. thanks for ur patience..

I LOVE YOU!